Chapter 1: Birth of a goddess of the underworld
Chapter 1: Birth of a goddess of the underworld
Even as I was a little girl, in the womb of “Newchaaractehr”, I was already asking myself questions. Because unlike the other foeti (equally known as Noobs in some lands), I was conscious of the world and that would have to be strong to be able to withstand all its trials, especially the thousands of troublemakers that make it up.
I asked myself: “what shape will allow me to dominate the world?”
My unbelievable foresight showed me 8 major races made the world. To be sure not to miss anything, I inspected them all:
* First of all, Humans:
My first impression was that of an appalling banality coupled to an obvious lack of ambition. Nothing capable of upholding my greatness. Of course, humans are open to many opportunities and can become just about anything. What’s more, the human spirit is both strong and watchful, and therefore perfect when imposing one’s will. But for the time being, I left them to the side.
* Next, Dwarves:
Well I’ll be banned; I’ve never seen anything so horrible! A dwarf! ME, become a female dwarf? I’d rather die! I quickly understood the weak mental capacities of this race prevented their apprehending the slightest subtlety; anyway, the aesthetics of dwarven females leading to confusion with the males, there was no way I could embody myself into a dwarf. The day I need to cut down a tree with a single hand, I’ll become a dwarf.
* Then, Gnomes:
These ridiculous creature’s aspect put me off the minute I saw them, but I had to admit their highly developed intellect seemed worthy of my greatness (well, almost). However, by taking closer look, I realized that most gnome capacities were diverted towards the sole hating of those who made fun of their size, which truly became an obsession. Having other things to do rather than yelling in order to be acknowledged as a proper being or fighting for the banning of gnomeball, I dropped the idea of being a gnome.
* The Elf:
I immediately fell in love with the elf’s physical aspect. Big, strong, slender, the perfect incarnation for goddess of my stature. Alas, its concept of magic was very different from mine, so I had to let go the idea. I was even tempted to give up dark magic to become an elf, but then I saw the totally OBSCENE, lascivious dance of the female elf, and from there on, such an embodiment became simply unbearable to me (lewdness being the privilege of the succubus)
*My foresight then showed me a cow…Guess it was a mistake
* The Troll:
Ugly. Cunning, yes; but ugly. Someone else could have done something with it, but my ambition was to enlighten the paths of Hell with my glorious presence, and you could hardly say trolls were up to the task.
*The Orc:
Here was a solid and smart enough embodiment for what I wanted to become. I have to admit I hesitated for a second before my foresight warned me of the male orcs’s habits towards female orcs. I’ll spare you the details, but the orc’s methods of reproduction and the linked rituals being what they are, I scratched out the idea at once (I definitely don’t feel like bringing up 150 kids)
* Finally, the Undead
True, I was attracted by its power, but can you really rule the world when you have worms wriggling all over your skin? Yes, the most powerful mages were often enough liches, but wouldn’t it be more interesting to be powerful while still ALIVE?
My foresight then reminded me that my mother and my father both being humans, I didn’t have much of a choice anyway.
And so it was settled, I was to become a human, a human WARLOCK, the only career I could favour. Why? Because it united both power and the controlling of superior beings, a true path towards glory, a grand doorway to power, a highway to hell!!! ACDC for the win!!! Err, why did I just say that?
Sunday, February 11, 2007